Letters
by kkgc22
Summary: Catherine is writing letters, but is getting nothing in return. GC- I'll never stop believing! Reviews are amazing!


January 15, 2010

Catherine Willows sat at her desk filing every single bit of paperwork that came through that day. She didn't want to leave the office; didn't want to take the chance of hoping for something that wasn't there. The wheels of her chair squeaked with protest as she turned around from her desk to the shelf of filing cabinets behind her. Her hands seemed frail as she placed the papers in the right pockets, and after she was done she couldn't help but look at the wall. There was a picture that used to sit on the front of her desk so she could see it every day, but the betrayal and hurt had managed to seep through the cracks of her fragile body. The man had been missing from her life one year, today. She picked up the frame, studying it with much concentration. She wondered if he looked any different, if his eyes still carried that deep blue that she had always loved. The white skin of her finger traced the face that she used to be so close to. What had become of their friendship? Didn't he want to see her again? Her blue eyes had begun to water, and the deep sorrow slowly came back to her. She missed him…still.

"Hey, Cath." The red head looked up to see Jim Brass with a small smile on his face. He glanced to see what she was holding and sighed. "Ah, the old bugman." She laughed at his reference and put the picture back as he sat down across from her. "How can I help you Jimmy?"

"Well, I figured we could both go for some drinks tonight. Hell, I miss the guy too." A half smile was given and she got up and wrapped her arms around Jim's neck from behind and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." She said. He smiled. "Anything for you, Cath."

The pair sat at a small table. Catherine with a screwdriver, and Jim with a scotch. Scotch. That was Gil's favorite drink. As Jim swirled the liquid in the glass Catherine remembered how Gil looked while drinking it. His brow was always furrowed, like he was pondering if he should say something. Those lips. His perfect lips would pout out just enough, and his hold on the glass would always be loose, as if he was letting the alcohol know that it wasn't needed, just enjoyed.

"Cath?"

She half smiled, "Sorry Jim, just thinking."

"About him?" Jim asked. Her silence answered the question, and he sighed. "He made the wrong choice."

This caught Catherine's attention. Her blue eyes were full of question. "What do you mean?"

"He should have stayed." Catherine laughed, "Well, I agree, but why?"

Jim smiled, as if it were the easiest question known to man. "Because he loves you."

She thought about his words for a minute and then shook her head. "He doesn't love me. He wouldn't have left if he did. He would have answered my letters."

"What letters?" Jim asked.

"I wrote him letters Jim. I wrote him letters telling him to come to Lindsay's graduation and that she missed him, telling him about work, about Greg and Nick, telling him that I love him." Her eyes glossed with tears. "Face it Jimmy, he loves her. I lost."

Jim grabbed her hand. "Catherine, look at me." Her blue eyes slowly connected with Jim's brown ones. "When you two first started working together Gil changed. He was less closed off, and he was more willing to do things. He liked himself that way. The way he looked at you, god Cath, he studied you. I know when a man is in love, and I knew he was in love with you the moment I introduced you two. Maybe he didn't get the letters. He couldn't have."

"Jim I know I sent them to the right place."

"I'm not saying you didn't, but maybe something happened to them."

Catherine couldn't help but laugh at how certain Jim was. "Let's be serious here Jimmy. He got the letters, thought I was crazy, because god knows why he would feel the same way about me, and now has chosen to never show his face to me again."

"Well you're wrong about one thing." Catherine eyed Jim as he crossed his arms and shook his head.

"What?" Catherine asked. Jim simply pointed to the door, and as Catherine turned, her mouth dropped.

There he was. Gil Grissom. He was here in Las Vegas, in the same bar as her. She admired him from afar. He had a pair of worn jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. His hair was cut close on the sides but the curls were still there on the top, similar to the way it was when he left. His beard was gone and she could see the cleft of his chin. He looked like he had lost weight, but not much. He never needed to lose weight anyway. She quickly turned to Brass.

"We need to get out of here!" she said grabbing at her purse.

"Why?! This is what you wanted isn't it?" What Brass hadn't seen was Sara coming in right behind Gil. Catherine moved her head for him to see, "That's why. Let's go!"

Jim grabbed her arm, "Catherine, don't you think we should go see him, you know, say hi. He's your best friend after all."

"He was my best friend. I don't know that man anymore."

Jim sighed and followed Catherine out the door.

* * *

"Grissom, I just don't understand why we have to stay here?" Sara said as they entered the bar. Gil sighed, "I told you that I have to teach a class at UNLV. I made a promise to one of my old professors."

"But can't we stay in a town outside Vegas? There are so many bad memories here."

"I haven't had any bad memories here. Some of my best have actually taken place in this very bar. Jim, Catherine, and I used to come here all the time." He said with a smirk on his face. "I was actually hoping to bump into them sometime while we are here."

Sara looked up at him, "No."

"What?" Grissom asked shocked.

She shook her head, "That's not a good idea." Gil had confusion written all over his face. "And why the hell not?"

"It will just make you want to stay here. We have to continue our travels."

"Sara, you can't be serious. These are my friends that I haven't seen in a whole year!" His palms were now flat on the table, stressing how much this meant to him.

Sara's hand went on top of his, but he felt nothing. It had been like this for a while, but she didn't seem to notice, or was it that she didn't want to. She huffed, "Fine. You can see Jim, but not Catherine."

He swiped his hand across his face, not understanding where all of this was coming from. "Why can't I see Catherine, Sara?" He was now getting angry. "She just gets too close, that's all."

"She's my best friend."

"Really, because I'm pretty sure best friends would want to know how each others' lives are. Did she ever even write you a letter? No."

He shook it off, "Maybe she was busy."

Sara stood up from the table, "You know what? Do what you want. I'm going back to the hotel."

Grissom was given his scotch. He was holding the glass tightly, as if letting the alcohol know that tonight, it was needed.

He finished the rest of the drink, and got up to go find someone he had been dying to see.

* * *

Jim and Catherine were riding in silence until Catherine broke it. "Can you take me back to the lab?"

Jim eyed her curiously, "Yeah, why?"

"I'm just not ready to go home. Lindsay's at school, and I'd rather see some people walking through the halls than listen to nothing."

"Alrighty then. You are becoming more like him than you will ever know."

"Oh, be quiet." Catherine said as she smacked his arm.

They drove the rest of the way there, and it had started to storm. As Jim dropped her off at the doors, she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks for tonight Jimmy."

He nodded and drove off.

Catherine made her way through the halls of the lab. The truth was she didn't want to go home because she was afraid Gil might come to visit her. He wouldn't expect her to be here, not after all the times she used to berate him about doing it.

She sat down in her comfortable office chair just watching all the lab techs go by. At the end of the hallway she could see two swing shift members talking to one another. The woman slowly fixed the collar of the man's jacket that was askew. He blushed and said thank you while the woman put her hand on his upper arm to show that she was ready to walk. Catherine started to cry as she watched the man put his hand on the woman's lower back to guide her to their next destination. Her face fell into her hands as she slowly started to let silent tears fall.

"Looked familiar, didn't it?" A familiar, yet distant voice said.

Catherine's body stilled. Was she prepared to look up? Was she prepared to face him?

Gil watched as her body tensed at the sound of his voice. Was it shock, or was it pain? He couldn't tell. Her hair was longer, but her body looked more frail, as if she hadn't been eating or sleeping much.

He started to walk forward a little bit, but not too far. It was then that she looked up. Blue met blue, and Gil immediately felt his eyes water.

She did it. She looked at him, and she just couldn't help herself. She saw his eyes start to build with tears. He was happy to see her. She knew it.

"Oh, Gil." She got up from the seat and ran into his arms. Their bodies were drawn tightly to each other by their arms. "Cath." She sobbed into his chest, just relishing the feel of his warm body against hers. Gil couldn't feel her tears filling his shirt because of the rain he had just been through, but her sobs were going right into his heart. She let her left hand travel to the back of his neck where she could run her fingers through his curls. She pulled back and their eyes had connected again. The pain in her eyes was evident. Did he do this to her? Was this how she felt the whole time he was gone?

"God, I missed you Cath." He said as she wiped some of his tears with the pad of her thumb. She smiled. "I missed you too." They stood there for a while, and eventually they had started to talk, but they never let go of each other. Touching Catherine sent shockwaves through his body. That hadn't happened in a long time. The conversation consisted of what he had been up to, and what he had seen. They decided that they should go to her house to continue the discussion, but just as they were about to walk out into the parking lot, Gil asked the wrong question. "Cath?"

She loved the way he said her name. "Yeah?"

"Why didn't you write?"

She immediately looked up at him and released her hold on his arm, as if his touch was poison.

He looked at her worriedly, "What?"

She walked away from him into the pouring rain. "Catherine, stop!" Gil quickly grabbed her arm, but she slapped it away. They were both now soaked. Catherine's makeup was running down her face, while Gil was squinting to try and keep the rain from getting in his eyes. "How dare you!" Cath screamed.

"What's gotten into you?" Gil screamed back.

"Why didn't I write? That's a good one Gil. It really is." Catherine said sarcastically.

He put his arms out to his sides, "I don't understand Cath."

"Don't act like you didn't get my letters." She said pointing her finger at him.

What was going on? Gil really didn't understand. He couldn't take it anymore. In one swift motion he put each hand on her arms and gently backed her up against her denali. His gaze was intense, and Catherine couldn't look away. He bent a little so he was eye level with her and then he said, "Catherine. What letters?!"

They had moved to the inside of the car. Catherine was now convinced that he really had no idea of what she was talking about. "I wrote you 11 letters; one for every month you were gone."

"What did they say?"

She shook her head, not wanting to tell the truth, "I can't really remember. How could you not have gotten them?"

The coolness of his hands made him realize that he was shaking, "Someone must have been taking my mail, but I got letters from Greg, so why wouldn't I get them from you?" He sighed, "I have to get back to the hotel. Hopefully I will see you soon." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then opened the car door, but was pulled back by Catherine. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and after his initial shock he quickly did the same. When she pulled back she placed a small kiss on his lips and he looked at her. It was a small, simple kiss, but the electricity he felt was the most amazing thing he had ever felt. She gave a small smile. "Just in case I don't see you again." He smiled and went to his car.

Gil sat in his car after he watched Catherine's car pull out into the street. She had sent him letters. All this time, he thought that she was just fine with him leaving, but he could easily see that wasn't the case. 'If I knew that she felt this way, I would have come back sooner.' He thought to himself. He thought that leaving would cure his craving for Catherine. It was the true reason he left. He wanted to see if he meant as much to her as she meant to him. When he didn't get any letters he assumed that that was his answer, but she did send them. How could he not get them?

'You can't see Catherine.'

'She gets too close.'

'She's my best friend'—'You know what, do what you want.'

"No, no, no." Gil started saying out loud. "She wouldn't do that. No, no, no."

The engine started and Gil raced towards the hotel.

* * *

The door was open in one swift movement and then immediately shut. "Where are they?" Sara looked up from her book, obviously annoyed, "What are you talking about?"

Gil went over to the TV and shut it off. "Where are the letters, Sara?!" His shouting let her know that this was no time for games. "What letters, Grissom?!"

The red of his face showed his anger, "The letters from Catherine!"

Sara looked shocked. She stumbled with her words, "I..I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do. You know. Give them to me." He held out his hand.

She started, "I don-"

"Sara! Give me the damn letters."

"No!" Gil stared at her in shock. She had them. She had been keeping them from him. He turned away from her, putting a hand to his mouth as if he were in agony. Tears stung at his eyes and he turned back to her. "Please, give them to me. Please." He begged.

Sara noticed the pain in his eyes. Her body traveled over to her suitcase, and she pulled out pieces of clothing, one after the other. Then, she stood up and turned to face him. There they were. 11 letters, but they were opened. "You read them?" Gil asked.

She handed him the letters without saying anything and turned back to the bed. Her back was to him as she sat on the bed when she said, "I only did it because I love you."

Gil's eyes burned into her back, "I don't think that's a very good excuse anymore Sara."

With that, he left the room, traveling to the nearest place with alcohol.

Gil plopped down on the nearest bar stool in the hotel lobby, and then ordered a drink. His fingers traced over the writing on the envelope of the first letter. Uniquely Catherine. "Here's your drink sir."

"Thank you." Gil said with his eyes still focused on the letter. He pulled the letter out and slowly started to take every word in.

_Dear Gil, _

_It's been one month since you've been gone. I still can't believe you're not really here. Sometimes I feel I'm going to walk into the break room, and you're going to be in there grabbing a cup of coffee as if nothing has changed. Everyone is doing well. Ray is fitting in well, and Nicky and Greg are adjusting. Nick's in your office now. Can you believe that? Ecklie told me I could take it, but I just couldn't do it. I still feel like it's yours. I wish it was still yours. I wish you were still here, but I'm being selfish. How is everything going? Are you doing the salsa with some sexy se__ñ__oritas? _

Gil laughed at this.

_Whatever you are doing, I hope you are having fun. I have to go. Work is always on my back. I miss you, and I can't wait to hear back from you._

_Always,_

_Cath_

Gil set the letter down, took a sip of his drink, and then proceeded to the next letter.

_Dear Gil,_

_It's been two months since you've been gone, and I never got a letter from you. I hope it's because you are busy. So what have you been up to? I haven't been doing anything but dealing with dead people. There have been so many popping up lately; I think all the bad guys know you're gone. ;D It feels like forever since I've seen you. Think about it. I've seen you almost every day for the past 25 years, and now there's just nothing. I'm wishing you the best, but if you could come home soon, that would be great. Lindsay keeps asking about you. She still calls you Uncle Gil. She loves you, you know. Well, duty calls. I'm hoping to hear from you this time. I miss you._

_Always, _

_Cath_

Now that he thought about it, he did see Catherine almost every day for 25 years. That's strange to think they had skipped a year. He loved the thought that Lindsay had asked about him. The little girl had always held a special place in his heart, ever since he helped Catherine through labor and held the tiny pink bundle in his arms. His little Butterfly.

He opened the third letter, and found that Catherine was once again disappointed that he hadn't written. She went on to tell him about a case that had shook her, and that she really wished he was there to help her through it. His drink found his lips and he easily finished it off and asked for another.

When he opened the fourth letter another envelope slipped out. His hands quickly opened it and he was greeted with a picture of Lindsay in her cap and gown. It was her graduation announcement. He had missed it. Tears started to silently make their way down his cheeks as he read a small message from Lindsay. "_Please come. Mom needs you. Love, Your Butterfly_."

Tan hands went to his face, and he swiped at the tears. He quickly made his way through the letters, while nursing a couple more drinks. They had started to change to Catherine expressing her anger with him. She didn't understand why he wasn't writing, and that she thought they were best friends. She described seeing Lindsay leave for college, and her pain seeped through the letter. She felt as if she was being abandoned. No one seemed to be close to her anymore.

He finished his fourth drink as he opened the final letter.

_Dear Gil,_

_It's been eleven months since you've been gone. Once again I have not heard from you, but I'm not surprised anymore. Christmas is rolling around, but you probably can't tell where you are. The air is starting to burn my cheeks and ears. Lindsay's home, and I'm glad for that, but you still aren't here. I can't take it anymore, Gil. I have to tell you. I love you. I'm sorry that you had to find out this way, but I just have to let you know. I can't stand that you aren't here with me. I can't stand that I can't talk to you. I can't stand that you won't talk to me. I can't stand that you chose her. I know that's why you left, but I hope what you feel for her isn't what you really want. I know I should probably be saying that I'm happy for you, but I just don't feel that way. I'm so angry with you, but I never told you how I felt, so I can't fully blame you. This will be my last letter. If you feel the same, please come back. I'll wait forever. Merry Christmas. I love you. _

_All my love, _

_Cath_

Tear stains adorned the letter, and he thought, 'So much wasted time.' It was then that Gil let his face fall into his hands.

* * *

Gil stumbled into his room. The lights were still on and his blue eyes met with brown ones. "There you are!" Sara said.

She ran over to him and guided him over to the bed. "I've been worried sick!"

Gil stayed silent. His eyes were distant and looking straight ahead. "Listen Grissom, I know what I did was wrong, but I just feel like Catherine is a temptation to all men. She would do nothing but hurt you in the end. Me, I can give you love forever."

He continued to stare straight ahead. "Damn it! Say something!" Sara shouted.

"I'm sorry." He simply stated. Sara blew out a sigh of relief. "Well you're forgiven." She placed her hand on his shoulder but he jerked away from her.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get to see Lindsay's graduation." Sara looked confused as he continued. "I'm sorry that I left my job. I'm sorry that you felt like this would last. I'm sorry that you read the letters. I'm sorry that I'm in love with someone else."

Sara backed away. "Don't do this. You're drunk, you're just saying things."

"Drunk yes, but I'm not just saying things. How could you do this Sara?"

"I knew it! I knew you were in love with her. I never even had a chance."

Gil felt bad, "You're right. I'm sorry I used you."

A loud crack went to Gil's ears and he felt the hot, stinging sensation of a slap on his cheek. "That's all you can say?"

His body stood up from the bed. "I'd write it all down, but I'd be afraid you wouldn't get the letter." He turned and walked into the hallway and then he felt a blunt object hit the back of his head. His body hit the floor and he heard a woman scream before everything went black.

* * *

Gil awoke to the sound of regular beeps and people bustling around. His eyelids flickered and his vision caught a man whom he hadn't seen in a while.

"Jim?"

"Gil Grissom. Glad to see your back in Vegas- sorry that it's in here."

Gil's lips curved into a small smile. "I've missed you."

Jim took a hold of one of Gil's hands, "I missed you too."

"What happened to me?" Gil asked. Jim laughed. "Well, to make a long story short, Sara threw the hotel phone at you. Got you pretty good."

"Well I see that." His eyes wandered the hospital room.

Jim's hand then went to his coat pocket. "I'm going to guess the fight was about these." He revealed Catherine's letters. "These are pretty deep man."

"Hey!" Gil quickly reached out to grab them, but Brass was too fast. "So what are you going to do?"

Gil's eyebrows shot up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Well first, are you going to press charges, and secondly what are you going to do about Catherine?"

His head shook adamantly, but he quickly stopped because of the pain. "I'm not going to press charges. I kind of deserved it, and Catherine.. well…I love her."

"You must have said some pretty interesting things to deserve that, and for the second part… I knew that."

Jim was greeted with one of Grissom's signature half smile. "You have a slight concussion, but you are being released today. I suggest you stay away from Sidle and you go tell Catherine how you feel. She needs it." Jim handed him the letters.

"I will Jimmy, I will."

* * *

Catherine walked through her front door. She deposited her keys and mail quickly onto the table and grabbed a drink from the refrigerator. She hadn't heard from Gil and she was suspecting that he just went back to his regular old life. Her head shook. 'No' she thought to herself. 'The way he looked at me, the way he held me'. He wanted to be near me. He was happy to see me. Why would he just turn around and go back. Her hands rifled through the mail; bill, bill, junk, junk, what was this? A white envelope addressed to Catherine from Gil Grissom.

'What?!' she thought to herself.

Her hands quickly ripped through the flimsy envelope and she was greeted with this:

_January 16, 2010_

_Dear Cath, _

_My life in Costa Rica was fake. I never found the true happiness I was expecting there. I would lie awake at night and wonder why my life seemed to be at a stand still, but I soon found that I couldn't move on without my family. Sometimes, when I couldn't sleep, I would go outside and stare at the stars. Remember when we used to do that, Cath? Just me and you, outside on your patio. We would talk about anything and everything. I've missed that. _

_I loved that you never judged me Cath. You were one person who took time to ask about me and get to know me. You surprised me. _

_I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be there for you throughout all your struggles since I have been gone. I'm sorry that I wasn't here for Lindsay's graduation. It kills me, breaks my heart that I wasn't here for that moment. _

_My world has recently started revolving again-in more ways than one, but that's a whole different story. When I held you in my arms, I felt electricity travel through my body. I had been away so long that I forgot what that felt like. I need you in my life Catherine. God, I need you. I love you Cath, with all my heart. _

_So what do you say? Will you come stare at the stars with me tonight?_

_All my love, _

_Gil_

Tears made their way down Catherine's cheeks. She quickly wiped them away and walked to her sliding glass door. There he was. In his jeans and long sleeved shirt. His head was tilted up and he was sitting on one of the lower steps on her patio. She slid the door open quietly and walked over and sat behind him. Her legs were on both sides of him and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his temple in the process.

"Well hello." He said.

"I love you, Gil. So much."

He turned so that he was now facing her. "I love you too Cath. I'm sorry for everything. Sara.. she.. she hid the letters an-"

She put her finger on his lips. "I don't care anymore. You're here now. That's all that matters to me."

He smiled and quickly wrapped her in his arms and passionately kissed her. Her hands roamed his head, but it was quickly stopped with an "Ouch!"

She looked scared, "What? Oh my god. What?"

He laughed, "Sara hit me with a phone."

Catherine tried to muffle her laughter, but couldn't. "Stop it!" Gil whined.

"It was painful. My head was spinning for hours!"

Her hand quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her. Their lips were barely touching when Catherine said, "I don't need a phone to make your head spin."

Their lips then locked and when they finished, Gil looked lovingly at her. "No, you definitely don't, my dear."


End file.
